Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Fear of Finishing

As you can see from my posts, I’ve been reading a few writing blogs lately. It has made me slightly philosophical.

I run into this problem over and over again while writing, I don’t seem to like ending things. I have written several novels, seven in fact. Five of the seven have the same thing in common, they don’t have endings. It’s not that I don’t know how they’re supposed to end; I have very clear visions of how they should come to a close. Yet I cannot seem to make myself actually write those endings out.

Why is this?

It is not as if the ending is not there, the words are there, but there is something, a giant brick wall, standing in my way. I call it my “fear of finishing”. When I finish something, I have a responsibility to take it to the next stage: editing. I really don’t like editing. Perhaps it would be better to call this my “fear of editing” instead because editing a short story, 5-10,000 words doesn’t bother me in a least. The very idea of trying to balance 50,000+ words and somehow make something coherent out of it just gives me the shakes. It makes me feel like I am completely incapable. Therefore, I do not finish the story. If I never finish, I am never responsible for editing anything. Beyond the editing, I am terrified of putting work out there for someone to critique. I critique other peoples’ work and one of the things I try very hard to do is realize I am taking something someone worked really hard on and telling them what I liked or didn’t like about it. I can imagine I’ve probably made at least one writer cry from the harsh reviews I’ve given out.

I don’t want to be on the receiving end of that because I honestly think that is what my work deserves. It should be beaten with a stick and then sent to bed without supper for being horrible. So it all culminates to keep me from finishing the story. I will never get better if I don’t, but I’m just never quite sure I’m ready to go there.

I wonder if anyone else feels this way?

6 comments:

Mira said...

That sounds similar to something that I frequently wrestle with: fear of success.

If I succeed, it means I have to become more responsible. So every time I get even close I'll subconsciously sabotage my efforts.

Lexx said...

@Mira Yeah, I think they are either linked or the same beast masquerading under different names.

Mira said...

They say that knowledge is half the battle, but sometimes it really doesn't feel like it. *^_^*

lisa said...

Stephen oh Stephen
This ,your therapist will get a chuckle out of all I copied ,ha ha

You Keep on pushing that mind of yours
one day sweetie ,you will be rich and famous ,you will be remembered !!

just think sweetie ,you be able to afford ,your new love ,without mommy ,supporting you both ,
Or just maybe ,your mommy could high your new love as her new maid ,and she will fit right in with all that are care takers of her yard

you little devil you ,this fame in creation is so rewarding and touching ,How you spend wasting Time to create such Rewarding Fame for me ,Wow!! you are amazing man ,now writing a novel ,how do you find the time

have a nice life aaron,anwii,awniii40,Rob,calkid,oh silly me ,I forget ,you have many user names and male or female ,just so convincing ,you make all look like pretty little Idiots

isn't life perfect ,I think so

today is great ,you look so stupid aaron ,as you just don't hold the facts about nothing smiling
Get a Divorce sheeshh

http://www.noveldoctor.com heck come on get real instead of being fake and pretending to be many people

Lexx said...

@lisa

I was hoping this was more coherent as a comment than it was showing up in my email, but as it isn't, I'm not entirely sure how to respond.

The only part that makes sense is the end and even that is hard to understand because it appears you are accusing me of being the person who writes at http://www.noveldoctor.com. I'm not acquainted with this person and my only possible connection may be a link to a post they wrote earlier in my blog. Thanks so much for taking the time to read, but I would appreciate it if you would take both your baseless accusations and your mindless drivel elsewhere.

Yours,
Lexx.

Sylvetta Migon said...

You have always been an amazing writer. I dont know who this lisa character is but your response has me chuckling lots.